By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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