benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
