He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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