He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
