just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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