remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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