I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
