Soap is not a condiment
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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