K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
