But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
