She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
