He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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