I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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