I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
