dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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