i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
