I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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