if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
