Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
where are my eyebrows?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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