I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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