he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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