Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
