Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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