Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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