Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
