Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
