perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
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he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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