I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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