dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
