i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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