evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think people are normalizing furries
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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