It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
