Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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