hotel room ftw
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
