PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
