I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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