it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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