do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
