hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
