Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize