i was born a porn star she said
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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