I think my vagina is haunted
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
