he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
