what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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