ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
