I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
