I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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