I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
