If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
