So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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