I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize