I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
