Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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