I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
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I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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