Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
