I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
