Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
