i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
