why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
