No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
