Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize