Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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