I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
