it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
