Someone shit on the floor
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
