My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
