I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
