Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
