apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
