Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
