Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
