Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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