At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
