At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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