I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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