I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
