my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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