I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
