Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
