people are starting to question the shark bite story
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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