Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
