OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
