i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
