69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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