Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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