You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
God I need to hump something, right now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
